I struggle with discipline

I struggle constantly as a parent to find the right balance when disciplining my children – meaning that I don’t believe I ever get it right! But, the one thing I always try to do is finish the discipline. It’s important that if you tell a child they are grounded for one week that you follow through, but that’s not what I mean.

When children get into trouble (and this applies to adults as well) they can often feel like they are backed into a corner and they become defensive. My youngest son doesn’t so much answer us back, but he has the ‘whatever, I don’t care attitude’ to the discipline, and that really irks me. I would prefer to see my son react at least a little with ‘Oh no’ than nothing at all. I don’t know about you but I have a tendency to keep increasing the punishment if I don’t think what I have said has had an impact and that is not right either.

So what do I mean by I finish my discipline? I send my children to their room and I very calmly go in there after a few minutes and sit down and have a talk with them. If I can see an impact (tears) I will usually ask first what is wrong and is everything OK? It is important to make sure there isn’t something else going on that you don’t know about first. Then I will explain what they did wrong, why I had to give them a consequence and discipline them, what it will mean for them, how it affects others, and include attributes of respect and kindness towards others. I also give them something to look forward to at the end of the discipline so they can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I always include lots of hugs and ‘you know I love you’.

Being a child, youth or teenager is tough. The hardest thing for parents is to remember they are going to stuff up and it is our job to find the best way to teach them so they understand it in their language. Telling and yelling never works! Always finish your discipline and do it calmly and with love. Good Luck!