Be gentle with one another

"Be gentle with one another" 2 Timothy 2:24

I just want to say I love my job. I get to talk to people all the time about a lot of different issues! However, it is a tricky business talking to people, especially adults all the time but we are so sensitive to what other people say – especially when it is not so flattering for us personally.

How many times has someone said something thoughtless, hurtful or cutting to you and you have realised that they didn’t seem to have a clue that it affected you all? I continually find it amazing that adults don’t know how to communicate effectively with one another – me included.

I am continually misunderstood and often say things with a tone that I don’t really mean. My own children are probably the worst at this. Not only can they sometimes be defensive if I ask them a question like “what have you been up to?”, but when they talk I don’t understand a lot of the stuff they say. Often I find all my teenagers and twenty year old sniggering at something I said or at something they said that I didn’t understand. Obviously…I am old!!!

But the serious side of this is that sometimes we tell our kids stuff and expect them to understand our adult language when the fact is, often they don’t. A great tip is not to necessarily stop using bigger words, but maybe to explain it again in a different way.

Keep it simple and be gentle with them if they don’t get it the first time. The benefits will have a ripple effect into other areas of their lives.

I struggle with discipline

I struggle constantly as a parent to find the right balance when disciplining my children – meaning that I don’t believe I ever get it right! But, the one thing I always try to do is finish the discipline. It’s important that if you tell a child they are grounded for one week that you follow through, but that’s not what I mean.

When children get into trouble (and this applies to adults as well) they can often feel like they are backed into a corner and they become defensive. My youngest son doesn’t so much answer us back, but he has the ‘whatever, I don’t care attitude’ to the discipline, and that really irks me. I would prefer to see my son react at least a little with ‘Oh no’ than nothing at all. I don’t know about you but I have a tendency to keep increasing the punishment if I don’t think what I have said has had an impact and that is not right either.

So what do I mean by I finish my discipline? I send my children to their room and I very calmly go in there after a few minutes and sit down and have a talk with them. If I can see an impact (tears) I will usually ask first what is wrong and is everything OK? It is important to make sure there isn’t something else going on that you don’t know about first. Then I will explain what they did wrong, why I had to give them a consequence and discipline them, what it will mean for them, how it affects others, and include attributes of respect and kindness towards others. I also give them something to look forward to at the end of the discipline so they can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I always include lots of hugs and ‘you know I love you’.

Being a child, youth or teenager is tough. The hardest thing for parents is to remember they are going to stuff up and it is our job to find the best way to teach them so they understand it in their language. Telling and yelling never works! Always finish your discipline and do it calmly and with love. Good Luck!

Facebook junkie

Well – I have gone and done it. I have joined Facebook and now I am a daily checker!!! I love the idea of being able to keep up to date with my children and the rest of my family. It is just great and I even found some of my old friends and distant relatives as well. It has certainly been a blessing. I just love jumping on and seeing what everyone has been up to. But like everything – too much of a good thing is not necessarily good for you.

My children are older now so the impact of me spending a little time on the computer is not really of that much concern – besides I actually must admit that I only allow myself a quick check and then I am off it again just so I don’t get caught up in it!

But I wonder about people who do get caught up in the use of all this modern technology. Unfortunately, the price we pay for this convenience is usually time taken away from our families. How many of us are texting or emailing our friends and ignoring our family members who are close by?

As I am personally so involved in the use of all modern technology and I myself am at fault of over utilising these gadgets, I figured some of you might be too. If that is the case, this is a friendly reminder to you about the only treasures in your life – your kids. So shut down and turn off what ever it is you play with and enjoy your time with them instead. I am going to!

Maybe I will have another quick check after they are all in bed...

Surviving term four

Well… we are into our final term for the year with only 10 weeks to go until we break for the Christmas holiday celebrations. Doesn’t it go by quickly? As a teacher, I always found this time of year very tiring. Three quarters of the year has flown by and, I don’t know about you, but even now I tend to drag myself through the rest year. Some points I want to make…

• Say no to others! You don’t need to do everything. Share the work around to other people. The more you do, the less others do.
• The better you feel about yourself by being a super worker, the less effective you may become in your role as a parent! Leave work on time or early and spend time with your family.
• Train up others and give them the chance to feel good about themselves too.
• Don’t take on anymore work than you have to! The world is not going to collapse and cease to exist if it’s not done now. Most ‘urgent’ tasks can wait until tomorrow.

Kids get very tired around this time of year too. They have been working very hard during their school year and as learning is mentally draining they can get tired and cranky.

• Give them a chance to relax and have fun.
• Exercise is a healthy way to relieve stress for you and your children – so do something together.
• Make sure they get enough rest and nutrition. Take away is not a continuously healthy option, however easy and convenient it is. I know :)

Your children will not remember all the Christmas presents you worked extra hours to pay for, but they will remember the fun and love you all had together. It is good to help others, but not at the expense of your own sanity and family.